I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
