No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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