I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
