we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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