Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
