all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
