physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
