Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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