I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
