I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
