I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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