the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
