If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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