All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
