You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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