it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
