You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
