Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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