You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
