You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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