She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He better not be in your backpack
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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