I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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