Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
