Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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