it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's not cheating when I paid for it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
