there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
