so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
