NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
