1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
