this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it because I queefed?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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