At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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