Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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