Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
