I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
