At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
