This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
