I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
