I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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