I will die if light touches me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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