Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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