My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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