Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
