if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
