Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
