Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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