did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
