evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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