I think i peed on brittanys purse
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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