Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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