Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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